My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
