I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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