My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
