you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
