maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
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