he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
