also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
