rhymes with "ouble enetration"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
