and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
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