i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
