There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
