matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize