We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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