I hate your face
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
