i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
