I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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