I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
