she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
