He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
