My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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