So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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