hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
