Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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