I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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