You can't motorboat a personality
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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