fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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