he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
false alarm, still single
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
