I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
