theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
