he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
