this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
is it fun? or sober?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
