i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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