he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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