Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
