I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
