people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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