he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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