Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
