I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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