My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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