I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
