Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
