I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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