We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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