how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
