and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Houston, we have a blender
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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