were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
