Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Randomize
