So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
