Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
