I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
