I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize