Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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