He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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