We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
