I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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