The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
