Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
