mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She even gives head with a lisp.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
