Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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