if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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