bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
