I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You're like the curious george of whores
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
